


I refuse to let go of your hand.

by adylini



Series: domestic fluff with a pinch of anxiety [2]
Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Non-Despair (Dangan Ronpa), Angst with a Happy Ending, Cussing, Domestic Fluff, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fake/Pretend Relationship, First Dates, First Kiss, First Love, Fluff, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Insecurity, Light Angst, M/M, Marriage, Weddings, but i think they all mean the same thing soooo, there's too many tags that apply
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-09
Updated: 2019-08-09
Packaged: 2020-08-13 08:18:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,361
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20171098
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/adylini/pseuds/adylini
Summary: Years of insecurities, misunderstandings, and self-loathing made up Shuichi’s character. He realizes Kokichi’s the same, and he’s there to support Kokichi just like Kokichi had built him up from the ground.Basically "Something new, something blue, something borrowed, something blue." but from Shuichi's perspective and has different events.





	I refuse to let go of your hand.

Shuichi was never a very interesting guy. 

In fact, his lover has told him that very thing many, many times in their relationship. He would be lying if he said that it didn’t hurt him a little bit, even if Shuichi knew that he didn’t mean any harm by it. Even if the love of his life would validate Shuichi’s feelings, showering him with praise and affection, Shuichi was still very, very insecure. He’s made many mistakes in his job, some serious, some minor, and some turned out alright in the end while others didn’t. He’s made so many mistakes, he ran away from so many things, and he’s hurt so many feelings.

But well, today of all days, Shuichi decides that maybe he did something right in his life. How else was he able to stand side by side with his beloved underneath the altar? Surely, all the hardships he’s gone through in his life, all the heartbreak and all the mistakes he’s made led him up to this very moment where he swore his vows, bent down and kissed. 

It really was too bad he couldn’t really see his lover’s face through all the tears though. Shuichi was sure his husband had the ugliest (cutest) sobbing face right now. 

.

The first time Shuichi met him was when he snatched off his hat during the entrance ceremony. Shuichi was more than surprised, and slightly annoyed at the audacity that the boy had. Despite the tiny thief’s height, Shuichi was still unable to get his hat back. The boy had run off, leaving Shuichi feeling naked without his hat. 

It turned out he and the boy shared the same class for that semester, and thankfully, the boy returned his hat. Shuichi clutched the hat tightly, treasuring the sensation of it hugging his head and mustered a glare from underneath his hat at the thief. All the said thief did was giggle in response. 

Shuichi dozed off during attendance, he had so much paperwork left on his desk at home that he hadn't slept at all the night before. He didn’t really respond when the teacher called his name, it was only when some girl sitting behind him poked him in the back that he finally snapped awake and answered the teacher. The teacher was irked, obviously. 

Shuichi continued to drift between consciousness and unconsciousness, and the next thing that snapped him awake was when his hat was lifted off his head once again. He nearly growled at the perpetrator, who was once again that small boy from before. The boy had placed Shuichi’s hat on his head and struck a pose, irritating Shuichi even more. 

The boy’s name was Kokichi Ouma, or so he introduced himself after bad mouthing Shuichi for dozing through the roll call. Kokichi had stared intently at Shuichi for a while before his 5’1” body was lifted up by a guy with a goatee. Kokichi struggled fruitlessly while another guy who looked like a player through and through pried Shuichi’s hat from Kokichi’s hand. 

Shuichi thanked the two of them and they introduced themselves as Kaito Momota and Rantaro Amami respectively. The girl who had poked Shuichi before joined the conversation and introduced herself as Kaede Akamatsu. 

Kokichi was put down after Kaede pointed out that he was still suspended by Kaito, and Kokichi ran off swearing that he’d pay them back ten-fold. 

Later on, Shuichi learned that Kokichi got revenge on those two by hiding Kaito’s pants after gym class and scribbling on Rantaro’s binder. Shuichi had to help find Kaito’s pants (which were in Maki Harukawa’s locker) for an hour while Kaito spent that very hour chasing Kokichi around the track field in his gym shorts. Afterward, Shuichi offered to help Rantaro clean off his binder, but Rantaro didn’t seem to mind the vandalization. Kokichi didn’t seem happy that Rantaro brushed off his revenge so easily and Shuichi couldn’t help but be appalled at how petty Kokichi was. 

Shuichi spent the rest of the first week observing Kokichi, and the more he saw, the more shocked he became. Kokichi’s mood changed at the drop of a dime, he was a pathological liar, and he was very, very intelligent. Shuichi wasn’t very surprised when Kokichi noticed that Shuichi was watching him. Kokichi only commented on it while throwing in his usual jabs at Shuichi’s appearance (which Shuichi didn’t really mind since he already knew he looked ugly). 

Kokichi didn’t really talk to Shuichi much in the beginning, and Shuichi didn’t care much about that since he had gotten close to Kaede and Kaito (who pulled Maki along too). Shuichi developed feelings for Kaede not too long afterward, but he soon fell out of love. Kaede later told him of a similar experience concerning her feelings for Shuichi, and the two had a good laugh about their mutual misunderstanding. 

Shuichi noticed during that time that Kokichi wasn’t particularly close to anyone. He would tease Gonta Gokuhara, Kiibo Idabashi, Miu Iruma, Kaito Momota, basically everyone in the class, but he had closed himself off from them. The others, whether consciously or subconsciously, noticed that wall between them and never got close to Kokichi either. Kokichi would be met with looks of disgust or indifference. 

Shuichi felt bad for that treatment and attempted to break down Kokichi’s walls (much like how Kaede had done to him). It didn’t take long for Kokichi to latch onto Shuichi completely, seeking him out whenever he could.

When Kokichi began to open up a little bit to Shuichi, Shuichi felt himself falling for Kokichi. At first, Shuichi was shocked at himself for falling for a guy when he thought he was straight. He attempted to imagine kissing Kokichi, which should’ve made him uncomfortable, like it did with Kaede, but Shuichi only found himself blushing and wishing it would come true.

Shuichi was even more shocked with himself, and immediately went to bed. He met Kokichi the next day, he felt his heart melt when Kokichi laughed. 

Shuichi, of course, consulted the resident expert in bisexuality, Rantaro Amami. All Rantaro had to say for it was that it was pretty normal for people to discover that their sexuality was maybe not what they thought it was during high school. Shuichi left the conversation feeling enlightened, but then he realized that Kokichi wasn’t the type of person to fall in love, and had to go running back to Rantaro for help in the matter. Rantaro laughed at Shuichi’s desperation and told Shuichi to keep it on the down-low and win Kokichi over slowly. 

And so started Shuichi’s slow courting ritual where he would play along with Kokichi’s lies, try to smile more (Kokichi commented on how he liked that), and occasionally give Kokichi gifts. Shuichi thought he was doing pretty well, and patted himself on the back for being so subtle. 

But then Kokichi started to drop hints that Kaede liked Shuichi. Kaede later told Shuichi that Kokichi was doing the same to her. Shuichi nearly punched himself when he realized that, of course, someone as smart as Kokichi would realize that Shuichi had a crush on Kokichi. The fact that Kokichi was now attempting to get Kaede and Shuichi together now of all times meant that Kokichi wasn’t interested. He was indirectly telling Shuichi to give up. 

“What am I doing wrong?” Shuichi asked Kaede one day while she was practicing piano.

“Maybe Ouma-kun just isn’t comfortable with someone caring for him?” was her reply. 

“Why wouldn’t he be? He’s so confident and constantly boasts about how everyone should care for him like it’s the most natural thing in the world… to say he’s narcissistic would be an understatement.” 

“But didn’t you say he was a mythomaniac? You of all people should know that Ouma-kun was just protecting his feelings by lying about how much everyone should love him.” 

Shuichi placed a hand over his lips and nodded. “You’re right, Akamatsu-san.” 

“Well, I was just paraphrasing your daily Ouma rants, but go on, keep complimenting me.” She laughed softly, her fingers continuing to work magic on the piano keys.

“I need to get him to acknowledge my feelings…” 

“That would be pretty hard. He’d probably just brush it off and say that you’re supposed to like me instead.” Kaede sighed, shaking her head. 

“Yeah… what am I supposed to do?” 

“Just say I rejected you or something.” 

“But then if I confess to him, he’d think that I’m using him as a rebound. Confessing right after getting rejected is very…” Shuichi wracked his head for the right word. “Very insensitive, even for someone like Kokichi, who would probably take it in stride. No one should be subjected to that.” 

Kaede stopped playing and hummed, tapping her chin. Her eyes lit up with mischief. “Oh, I read this novel recently of two people pretending to date to make their crushes jealous! Or well, more like exes, but eh, the analogy still works.” 

“Akamatsu-san, are you trying to get me to fake date you?” 

Kaede only laughed sinisterly. “You can date me, then break up and then Ouma-kun would stop bothering up with hooking us up because we clearly didn’t work out! And while you’re at it, you might as well use the guise of us dating to get dating advice from Ouma-kun! He would know what would woo him better than anyone else!” 

“That… doesn’t solve the rebound problem, Akamatsu-san.” Shuichi placed a finger on the bridge of his nose, debating on whether that was the stupidest idea he has ever heard or the smartest idea he has ever heard. 

“I dunno, it’s either that or continue having Ouma-kun trying to hook us together to no avail. Just, ugh, maybe wait a month or so after we break it off? That wouldn’t count as rebound, right?”

“But… I wouldn’t want to burden you with pretending to fake date someone you don’t like, Akamatsu-san.” Shuichi muttered, frowning unhappily. 

Kaede pursed her lips and got up from her seat, flicking Shuichi on the forehead. “I have ulterior motives, Saihara-kun! I’m using fake dating as an excuse to get close to my crush as well!” 

“Your crush?” Shuichi sifted through the information in his head and a light bulb went off. “Could it be… Amami-kun?” 

Kaede laughed nervously. “Wow, I couldn’t hide it from you after all! That’s a detective apprentice for you! But… yeah, I don’t know how I could possibly confess to him and not get turned down. Do you know how many girls have done that and rejected? More than 10! And it’s only been three months so far!” 

Shuichi was surprised that Kaede somehow knew how many girls confessed to Rantaro, but he didn’t comment on that little bit of stalker-y information. 

“But, didn’t you have 10 guys confess to you already?” 

“No, no, there’s only 8 so far.” 

“Close enough…?” 

“Don’t cut corners, Saihara-kun! Or else you’ll fail in wooing Ouma-kun!” Kaede threw her hands up in the air and then grabbed Shuichi’s hand.

“Operation Fake-Date To Get Our Dudes is a go!” 

.

Kokichi seemed to have gotten closer to some of the other classmates. To say Shuichi was a little disappointed that Kokichi let down his walls to someone other than Shuichi would be an understatement. Shuichi’s mood only went down more when he and Kaede announced that they were dating, and the look on Kokichi’s face was complete boredom. Kaede seemed to be feeling the same because Rantaro had congratulated her with a face full of smiles. 

“I’m beginning to think this is a bad idea…” Kaede murmured to Shuichi, her cheek pressed against the library table and arms slumped around her head. 

“Hang in there Akamat— ah, Kaede-san.” Shuichi continued to write in his notebook. He and Kaede were attempting to study in the school library, but both of them weren’t being very productive as there was too much weighing on their minds. “It would be strange for us to break up the day after announcing it, so I think it’d be best to at least wait until three weeks are over. Iruma-san says that 3 weeks is usually the threshold for people to break up… though she said that’s only if the relationship isn’t serious and that it’s for skanks who were only DTF.” 

“Do you even know what DTF means, Saiha— Shuichi-kun?” 

“I had asked her, but she laughed and got spit all over my face. Kokichi popped out of nowhere and offered to lick it off of me, but that was obviously a lie.” 

“Kinky.” 

“Aka— Kaede-san!” Shuichi looked up from his notebook, blushing profusely. Kaede giggled and finally got her face up from the desk, stretching her hands. 

“I think I understand why Ouma-kun loves to tease you so much now.” 

.

Shuichi and Kaede continued to date for a month. Shuichi asked for dating advice from Kokichi, to which the boy gladly abided to. 

“Be straightforward with her! You’re the type of person to always beat around the bush until the problem gets out of hand or if it gets too big to ignore, and no one likes that at all!” Kokichi said one day when Shuichi asked how he should ask her on a date. 

So Kokichi liked straightforwardness, Shuichi noted. 

“Dress up all fancy, okay? Even if you’re going to McDonalds, dress up fancy! The first date is important!”

Shuichi wanted to point out how jarring and embarrassing it would be to show up in a suit while going to a fast food joint, but Kokichi’s merry laughter shut him up. He ended up smiling at the smaller boy while Kokichi continued to give tips on how the first kiss should go. 

“Ease into it! You don’t want to crash your teeth together, that’s gotta be sooooo annoying! Rub her on the hand a few times and look her in the eye! She has to agree to it, verbally or nonverbally!” Kokichi laughed his signature laugh again. “You wouldn’t want to kiss when there’s no mood set up! You might be accused of being a sexual predator, Saihara-chan!” 

“You seem to know a lot about dating and kissing, Ouma-kun.” 

“Of course! So many people have confessed to me, and it all depends on my mood if I accept it or not!” Kokichi chirped, clasping his hands together. “I’ve never done a confession before, in fact! Buuuut, I’ve done so much dating and kissing! Maybe even more... Nishishi~” 

Shuichi felt his heart drop at that. 

“R-right…” 

“But that’s just a lie!” 

“H-huh?” 

“Nishishi! I lied! I'm pure and an innocent little lamb! I’ve never done anything as scandalous as dating! In fact, no one is good enough to ever date me! Gawsh, did you really think I’d so such impure things, Saihara-chan?” 

Why was his cocky smirk so cute? 

Shouldn’t Shuichi be more offended that Kokichi messed with him again? 

How would Kokichi’s lips taste? 

.

At some point, Shuichi began to notice the looks that Rantaro would give Shuichi’s girlfriend. While Shuichi and Kaede were conversing in the hallways, Rantaro wouldn’t be too far off, doing one thing or another. Shuichi noticed Rantaro looking in their direction one too many times. 

The moment Kaede turns around though, Rantaro would turn back to his usual aloof and mysterious self. He would chuckle politely, make weird comments, and was just generally Rantaro-like. Kaede didn’t seem to notice anything was off, but Shuichi definitely knew that look in Rantaro’s eyes. It was the same look Kaede would give Rantaro when said man wasn’t looking. 

Well, TLDR (as Shuichi learned the day before, it meant “too long didn’t read”), Rantaro was obviously smitten with Kaede and was very good at hiding it from Kaede’s notice. 

Shuichi didn’t really know what to do. Should he risk telling Kaede? No, Rantaro wouldn’t like that. Shuichi didn’t have the right to tell Rantaro’s crush about said crush — that’s something that Rantaro has to do himself. Shuichi considered confronting Rantaro, but thought better not to since it would be mighty awkward for Kaede’s supposed boyfriend to ask if Rantaro had a crush on Kaede. Shuichi considered telling Rantaro that the dating was fake in order to ease the awkwardness, but Shuichi couldn’t risk letting more people know about it. 

Kaede had specifically told Shuichi to keep the fake-dating a secret between the two of them. Shuichi didn’t really understand why that was such a big deal, but he honored Kaede’s wish. 

Well, at the very least, it seemed like Kokichi also seemed to have noticed Rantaro’s little crush. He told Shuichi about it, confirming Shuichi’s suspicious that Rantaro was indeed smitten and that that deduction wasn’t just Shuichi’s wishful thinking. 

“Be careful! Rantaro steal-your-girl Amami has his eyes on Akamatsu-chan!” 

All the better, Shuichi thought. Rantaro was a possible love rival to Shuichi in attempts to woo Kokichi. Rantaro was the other person who wasn’t fooled easily by Kokichi’s lies and tolerated Kokichi fairly well. If Shuichi was a petty person, Shuichi would’ve been seething with jealousy every time Kokichi latched onto Rantaro’s arm. 

“Oh.” Was all Shuichi responded with. That ticked off Kokichi, and Kokichi spent the rest of lunch lecturing Shuichi on all the ways Rantaro steal-your-girl Amami could’ve quote-on-quote “stolen his girl”. 

“Oh, but Amami-chan’s bi, so maybe he really has his eyes on my beloved Saihara-chan! How would little ol’ me know who exactly Amami-chan is looking at when he glances at you and Akamatsu-chan?” 

“How would someone as popular and confident as Amami-kun fall for me?” Shuichi nervously laughed. He wasn’t very comfortable with Kokichi smack-talking Rantaro behind his back. Rantaro probably wouldn’t have minded, but it still felt very wrong.

“Be more aware, Saihara-chan! You and Amami-chan are the prettiest boys in the grade!”

“C’mon, you have to come up with a better lie than that, Ouma-kun.” Shuichi decided to play along, waving his hand to dismiss the idea that he was even half was pretty as Rantaro. The mere thought made him want to break out in laughter and bitter tears. 

Kokichi didn’t seem to appreciate Shuichi’s comment and his expression turned blank before breaking back into his cheeky grin. He placed his hands behind his head. 

“As I was saying before I got so rudely interrupted!” He spared a glare at Shuichi, causing Shuichi to flinch. What had Shuichi said wrong? 

“Since you two are the prettiest boys in the grade… if you got together, wowie! That would be hot AF! All the girls would drool at the pairing!” Kokichi giggled, stealing one of Shuichi’s nuggets. Shuichi gave a disbelieving glance but didn’t make an attempt to steal his nugget back, Kokichi needed to eat more anyway. He was so thin. 

Shuichi wondered what AF meant, he made a mental note to ask Kaede later. 

“But that’s a lie, of course! Obviously, I’m the prettiest boy of all! Nishishi~” 

“You are.” 

Kokichi went quiet, then huffed. “I, I’m glad you finally realized that, Saihara-chan! Everyone should just drop dead at my feet! Hah! Iruma-chan claims to be the gorgeous genius, but she’s got nothing on me!” 

“Mhm.” 

Maybe it was a trick of the light, but Shuichi thought he saw the tips of Kokichi’s ears red. 

.

Towards the end of their freshmen year, Shuichi finally garnered enough courage to break off the fake-dating with Kaede to confess to Kokichi. Kaede seemed a little relieved to break up, Shuichi could only assumed she finally noticed Rantaro’s affection and wanted to act upon it soon. 

(She wouldn’t. At least not soon, Shuichi later finds out during the graduation ceremony a few years later.) 

Unfortunately, Kokichi still seemed adamant in trying to pair Shuichi off with someone else, even after Shuichi made it a point to spend almost all of his free time chasing Kokichi down and spending time with the Supreme Leader. At one point, Kokichi even blatantly told Shuichi he wasn’t interested in any confessions anytime soon, so the next person to confess to him would be shot down, no dice. Kokichi had giggled, apparently at some inside joke he just made, then ran off. 

Of course Kokichi wouldn’t be interested. Why did Shuichi ever fool himself into thinking anyone would be interested in him, much less someone as wonderful as Kokichi? Why did Shuichi ever fool himself into thinking Kokichi would ever date anyone? In hindsight, Kokichi dropped all the signs of someone who wasn’t interested in a romantic relationship. 

Kokichi was independent, strong, confident. Shuichi was dependent on everyone else around him, weak, and timid. Why did Shuichi ever fool himself into thinking he would be loved? No one loves a dependent and weak coward. His parents were a prime example of that. How could Shuichi have been so foolish to forget that? He should’ve learned his lessons all those years ago, he should’ve, he should’ve, he should’ve, he should’ve, he should’ve, he should’ve, he should’ve he should’ve, he should’ve, he should’ve, he should’ve, he should’ve — and yet, why didn’t he? 

‘Because you’re stupid. Because you’re incompetent. Because you’re cowardly. Because you’ll never be loved, and you didn’t want to accept that so you tried to lock it away in that little box of yours. And now look at you, about to break down in an empty classroom where anyone can walk in and see your pathetic self. They’ll laugh, they’ll probably take pictures like those girls did in middle school, and then they’ll post it online for the whole school to see and mock you.’ 

Shuichi was at a loss as to what to do. 

He felt both the crushing despair of knowing Kokichi couldn’t possibly reciprocate Shuichi’s feelings and the suffocating guilt that he let Kaede down after she was so excited to see him take his first step in the right direction. Shuichi wanted to confess and let his feelings off of shoulders, but he was so, so, so, so afraid to ruin his relationship with Kokichi. 

Shuichi was a cowardly guy, he always was.

Knowing Kokichi, he would either begin to avoid Shuichi, maybe claiming that he’s too seductive to be around Shuichi (“Kyaaa, Saihara-chan would attack me if I get too close! So I’m gonna go now!”), maybe just straight out showing his disdain (“Didn’t I already tell you, I’m not interested? Fuck off.”), maybe he would act the same as normal and brush it off (“That’s a funny joke, Saihara-chan! We’ll be the bestest of friends!”). 

And so, a full week passed after the break-up. 

Shuichi continued to mope about the hopelessness of the situation the afternoon after classes were over in an empty classroom. Or, at least it was empty until Miu Iruma, Kiibo Idabashi, and the one and only Kokichi Ouma enters. The three friends seemed to be bickering, mainly consisting of Miu and Kiibo pushing Ouma towards Shuichi and Ouma protesting.

Shuichi was slightly confused at what was happening, but he was happy nonetheless that Kokichi was approaching him. The sheer relief he felt that Kokichi wasn’t repulsed by Shuichi’s presence at all made Shuichi break out into a smile.

“Ah, good afternoon, Ouma-kun!” Shuichi beamed as he quickly cleared his desk of the textbooks and sat up straighter.

The daisy he had on his desk fell off the ground, the small petals creating a barely noticeable pile by the legs of Shuichi’s chair, whispering the unspoken game of ‘he loves me, he loves me not’ that Shuichi had previously be playing. 

.

Shuichi lost the comfort of his hat, but he gained the comfort of a small hand that seemed to be made just to fit in his. 

.

Their first date was in the summer of their second year at Hope’s Peak. Surprisingly (not really), the location of said date was some kid’s bounce castle. Specifically, it was a giant community park filled to the brim with blown-up, giant (balloon?) bouncy castles, obstacles, ball-pits, etc. 

Shuichi would be embarrassed to be jumping around in those obstacle courses if it weren’t for the fact that many people older than him were also participating. Granted, they were mostly parents who were accompanying their kids, but still. 

Shuichi learned that day that Kokichi, for someone so thin and fragile-looking, could really jump. 

Halfway through the date, Maki and Kaito somehow stumbled upon that park. They were on their date as well after getting back together (they broke up not too long ago). Apparently, Kaito saw the colorful array peeking through the trees and decided to check it out. Kaito challenged both Maki and Shuichi to a race through the obstacle course. Kaito won against Shuichi, but lost pathetically to his girlfriend.

Kokichi had disappeared from Shuichi’s sight, Shuichi realized after completing the course. Shuichi had to excuse himself from his friends to find Kokichi, who was sitting in McDonald's, sipping on a large bottle of Panta (though the inferior orange flavor, as Kokichi said). Kokichi waved to Shuichi, ushering him inside. 

“I was so worried! You just disappeared the moment Harukawa-san and Momota-kun showed up!” 

“I don’t wanna meet with those stupid people, Saihara-chan! I may have agreed to date you, but I would much rather they not see me together with you!” Kokichi responded, nibbling on the end of his straw. 

Shuichi felt a little disappointed that Kokichi didn’t want their relationship to be publicized, but he didn’t dwell on the topic any further (he was afraid to get the confirmation from Kokichi that, yes, he didn’t want people to know that he’s dating Shuichi), instead getting up from Kokichi’s table to order something. 

Another thing Shuichi learned that day was that Kokichi could really eat despite his small frame.

.

Shuichi didn’t really know what he did to deserve Kokichi. 

Everyday, Shuichi thinks this. Shuichi was glad he managed to land a relationship with Kokichi before anyone else got the chance, but he couldn’t help but be terribly anxious that someday, Kokichi will end everything. 

Hell, the incident of the first date only helped to solidify Shuichi’s paranoia. Kokichi obviously didn’t want to be seen with Shuichi — was Shuichi really that terrible of a lover? Yes. The answer to that is yes, Shuichi knows this all too well. 

Maybe his friends would say otherwise, but Shuichi needed confirmation from Kokichi as well, that, yes, he wants him. That, yes, Kokichi was only shy and didn’t want to be seen in a relationship, or maybe in a kid’s bounce house so early into high school; that, no, it wasn’t because he didn’t want to be seen dating loser Shuichi of all people. That, yes, Kokichi did not regret his decision in dating Shuichi. Shuichi wanted Kokichi to kiss him and whisper those words of confirmation and validation into Shuichi’s ear. 

The only problem was the nagging part of Shuichi’s mind that told him, no, Kokichi would never say those things. ‘What makes you so sure, so stupid, so condescending, so arrogant, so despicable, to think that Kokichi would ever want you for who you are? Go ahead, go ask him and hear his rejection straight from his mouth.’ 

Shuichi couldn’t find it in himself to approach Kokichi about the matter, not with his anxieties eating away at him so terribly. The only way he knew to communicate his grief was to just hug his boyfriend from behind and pray Kokichi wouldn’t feel Shuichi’s trembling. 

(Kokichi always dropped everything to make sure Shuichi was alright, but Shuichi made sure that Kokichi couldn’t see his face every time.)

Shuichi was afraid of a lot of things: responsibilities, social interactions, the glares that the convicts give him as he condemned them, but he was most afraid of abandonment and not being good enough. Kokichi was the opposite of him in every way. He was confident, he was beautiful, and he had a way of making himself relevant to everyone he happens by. Shuichi was the kind of person to blend with the crowd and never be seen again. 

One day, Kokichi would just let go of Shuichi’s hand and would never be able to find Shuichi again, if he even bothers to do such a meaningless thing in the first place. Kokichi seemed so adamant, so desperate to get Shuichi to break up and date someone else. Shuichi recognized the attempts that Kokichi made. When Shuichi’s gaze would linger a little too long on someone, Kokichi would immediately tease Shuichi. 

“You should date her instead! I totally would! No hard feelings if you break up with me to chase her skirt! She’s the bomb, even if she looks like she’s hiding her ten years age gap with a shitload of make-up!” 

“Are you sure you wanna be stuck with me for the rest of high school, the best years of your youth, Saihara-chan? I see those eyes you got for that guy in the next class!” 

“It’s not too late to get with Amami-chan, you know! Threesomes are in nowadays, so it’s not frowned upon at all! Personally, I don’t see anything in Amami-chan and Akamatsu-chan, but you can go get with them now, shoo shoo!” 

Kokichi was attempting to push Shuichi off onto someone else, like he was trying to shrug the responsibility of loving Shuichi to someone else. Shuichi was devastated and he somehow convinced himself that Kokichi didn’t really love Shuichi. Of course he wouldn’t, he never even said he loved Shuichi directly, it was always just kissing, touching, cuddling, no direct verbal confirmation. Kokichi did always say this was just a test period to see if Shuichi was worthy. 

Shuichi wasn’t worthy, he knew that like the back of his hand. Shuichi wasn’t really worthy of anything, not his title as an Ultimate, not the friendships he made at Hope’s Peak, not the sympathy of his uncle who took him in after his parents abandoned him, and definitely not worthy of Kokichi’s love. 

However, he couldn’t help but be utterly in love with the boy who kept trying to throw Shuichi into some other person’s arms. He couldn’t help but be hopelessly in love with the boy who stole his hat and refused to give it back. He couldn’t help but be wholeheartedly devoted to the boy who made it a point for everyone in class to hate him via pranks and insults. 

Shuichi would rather die than let go of Kokichi’s hand. He valued his relationships dearly, and he would rather die than to give them up. 

Shuichi, in the second year at Hope’s Peak, resolved to persevere and better himself to become someone Kokichi couldn’t possibly leave. He resolved, that even if he couldn’t achieve that level of perfection, he would latch onto Kokichi and never let go. If he wasn’t going to become Kokichi’s favorite person, he would become Kokichi’s biggest problem. Hopefully though, it would never come to that. 

.

Half a year passed by quite quickly, and their first kiss happened on their first home date. 

Kokichi had learned how to cook fried rice, and was ecstatic to show Shuichi how. Shuichi didn’t mention how he already knew how to cook more complicated dishes than that, and let Kokichi come over to his house to show him. 

(Kokichi probably saw through Shuichi’s lie, but he didn’t comment on it.)

Kokichi was short but he wasn’t the shortest person Shuichi knew, Himiko Yumeno and Ryoma Hoshi were far shorter than him. This meant that Kokichi was tall enough to be towering over the stove (it reached to his lower-chest), but for some unexplained reason, he nagged and nagged Shuichi for a stool. 

Unfortunately, Shuichi didn’t have a stool on standby in his house. To compensate for the lack of stool, Kokichi insisted that Shuichi lift him up as a replacement. 

“Doesn’t that seem a little dangerous?” 

“It’ll be fine! Now put your arms around my waist and lift me up!” 

Shuichi didn’t really know what Kokichi had to gain from such a childish endeavor, but he complied. His training sessions with Kaito had improved his upper body strength, so he wasn’t very worried of dropping Kokichi (not like there was much of a distance to drop since Shuichi was only a few inches taller than Kokichi). 

Shuichi’s arms snaked around Kokichi’s waist from behind and he hoisted Kokichi up. Kokichi hummed happily and got to frying the rice. Shuichi would flinch whenever he heard the sizzling and when some of the oil splatters on his arms (thank god he was wearing long sleeves), but other than that, he kept Kokichi up fairly well. At some point, Shuichi started to rest his head in the crook of Kokichi’s left shoulder, closing his eyes to just enjoy the contact. 

When Shuichi finally heard the stove turn off, he reopened his eyes — only to see Kokichi’s bright violet eyes a hair’s length away. Kokichi had turned his head to face Shuichi, not really achieving it well since Shuichi held him in place, but he made the effort nonetheless. This paired with Shuichi’s face on Kokichi’s shoulder caused the both of them to nearly smash their faces together. 

The two stared at each other, their breaths ghosting over each other’s faces and finally, Shuichi flushed and moved his head away. He placed Kokichi back down and muttered out an apology. Kokichi was having none of it and grabbed Shuichi by his collar, yanking down harshly.

Shuichi had wanted their first kiss to be a little less sloppy. He wanted that, but both of them were very inexperienced and it was the gesture that counted. 

Shuichi attempted to follow Kokichi’s advice (he still remembers it even after all these months), but he wasn’t able to ease into it or even set a mood. As for a concrete confirmation, well the kiss was too sudden to even get consent. Shuichi lamented not being able to do the things that Kokichi told him to do for a kiss, but he figured he’d just have to try again next time. 

Kokichi pulled away, cackling. 

If Shuichi was red, he only got redder. Kokichi’s complexion wasn’t any better, but at least Kokichi was able to form proper words. 

“Wow, that sucked, Saihara-chan! I’m disappointed!” Kokichi laughed, his breaths still raspy. “But is that a lie? Who knows!” 

Then he paused and tapped his lips. “Do… you wanna... try again?” 

Shuichi thought, Kokichi really was going to be the death of him. He bent down slightly and pressed their lips together again. Kokichi hummed pleasantly and wrapped his arms around Shuichi’s neck. 

Their fried rice was cold by the time they got to it. 

.

Graduation day came upon them far too quickly. In the blink of an eye, though it felt like millions of years at the same time, three years had passed since that first day they stepped foot into Hope’s Peak Academy and now they were graduating, all 16 of the students in Shuichi’s class. 

Miraculously, though not all that surprisingly, the number of couples increased. Tenko Chabashira and Himiko Yumeno, Ryoma Hoshi and Kirumi Toujo, Miu Iruma and Kiibo Idabashi, etc, etc. Ryoma and Kirumi had broken up after their first year together, but they still maintained their friendship and were very professional about it (Shuichi wouldn’t know how he would act around Kokichi if they were exes, Ryoma and Kirumi were truly amazing). To Shuichi’s dismay, however, Kaede and Rantaro still have not professed their feelings yet. 

Shuichi and Kokichi manage to stay together throughout the years, and as the two of them were greeted by their family after the graduation ceremony, Kokichi hooked his pinky around Shuichi’s. They had revealed their relationship to the rest of the class only a few days prior (eliciting a lot of amusing reactions, and a lot of tears from Shuichi), but it seemed Kokichi was still shy in holding Shuichi’s hand in public. Shuichi would be lying if he said he wasn’t either, he was the very definition of shy and embarrassed after all.

Shuichi felt Kokichi’s finger tug around his. Shuichi glanced down at his boyfriend, finding Kokichi to be staring at some other direction. He followed Kokichi’s gaze to spot Kaede hiding behind a tree while staring at Rantaro, who was talking with his sisters and parents.

When Kaede got distracted by some of the reserve course students to take photos, Rantaro spared a longing glance at her. He placed a hand to his chest and pursed his lips, furrowing his eyebrows. He turned his head away shortly after and continued to smile and act like nothing was wrong while he talked to some of his fangirls.

“I can’t bear to look at this, Saihara-chan.” Kokichi pouted. 

“I… yeah, same here.” Shuichi placed a hand to his forehead and sighed. “I’ll take care of Kaede-san, you get Amami-kun. Is that alright, Ouma-kun?” 

“That’s okie-doki with me! Wheew! For a second there, I thought I was gonna have to take care of Akamatsu-chan! And I just can’t do that! Speaking with girls give me allergies!” Kokichi let out his signature laugh and untangled his pinkie from Shuichi’s.

“I could’ve sworn I saw you talking to Iruma-san without a problem though…?” Shuichi chuckled amiably.

“That’s because Iruma-chan is a pig! A pig doesn’t count as a human girl!” Kokichi giggled before running off to Rantaro. “Around the corner of the school building, Saihara-chan!” 

Shuichi waved him off before making his way to Kaede. Time to get her a boyfriend. 

It didn’t take much convincing (in fact, none at all) for Shuichi to get Kaede to follow him. 

Kaede looked surprised when Shuichi rounded the corner and Rantaro was waiting there with a Kokichi by his side. Kokichi dashed to Shuichi’s side quickly, pushing Kaede away from the two of them and closer to Rantaro. Kokichi made it a point to jump straight into Shuichi’s arms, snaking his arms around Shuichi’s neck and placing an embarrassingly audible wet kiss on the corner of Shuichi’s lips. Shuichi broke out into fifty shades of red, each darker than the next. 

“Oooooh, looks like our talk is over now, Amami-chan! My prince charming hath come to taketh me away!” Kokichi snickered, latching onto Shuichi’s arm like some rabid fangirl and then dragging Shuichi away, leaving Rantaro and Kaede by themselves. 

Kokichi immediately let go of Shuichi’s arm when they rounded the corner to where the majority of the graduating seniors and their families gathered. Shuichi was a little disappointed. 

Maybe it was because they were graduating, maybe it was because they had revealed their relationship a few days prior, maybe it was the lingering determination from getting Kaede to talk alone with Rantaro, but Shuichi felt some sort of passion overcome him. 

Without warning, he grabbed Kokichi’s hand. Kokichi jolted, staring up at Shuichi with wide eyes. 

“S-Saihara-chan?” 

Shuichi looked Kokichi dead in the eye and tilted his head. “Is something wrong?” 

Kokichi’s eyes traveled down to their interlocked hands, falling silent. Shuichi felt his stomach drop and pulled his hand back. 

“I, I’m sorry, Ouma-kun. That must’ve made you uncomfor—” 

Kokichi grabbed Shuichi’s hand again. 

“What the heckie are you talking about, Saihara-chan? Uncomfortable, me? Bold words for a mere underling like you!” Kokichi looked up at Shuichi, all semblance of shock away from his expression. Shuichi smiled at the positively radiant mischievous grin that Kokichi had on.

“I’m glad then.” 

Thank goodness, it seems Kokichi didn’t mind. Shuichi beamed even more at the thought, tightening his hold around Kokichi’s small hand. Kokichi squeezed back. 

.

Shuichi looked at the photos laid out on the coffee table. Kokichi had printed them out recently, all the photos he took on his phone during high school. 

“Wow, that’s a lot. How did your phone have so much storage?” 

“Tsk tsk, you underestimate how good modern technology is, Shuichi!” 

Shuichi’s eyes scanned over the photos. There were ones of their first days in school (wow, Kokichi took pictures of basically strangers back then?), with Kaito in his gym shorts and Rantaro holding up his glitter-covered binder. There were ones of various other successful pranks that Kokichi pulled, to the amusement of a lot of the classmates and the detriment of others. 

Shuichi laughed quietly to himself. “This is very nostalgic, isn’t it? How many years has it been?” 

“Hm… a few years too many, I’d say! We’re getting old! Old! My perfect hair is greying!” Kokichi huffed, crossing his arms. 

“Kokichi, we’re 23.” 

“That’s…” Kokichi paused to do some calculations on his fingers. “One, two, three, six, seven… around six years too old! How am I supposed to fulfill my anime protagonist role if I’m not ‘a 16-year-old teenager who shouldn't be shouldering the fate of the world but am anyways’ if I’m a functioning adult member of society?” he huffed, crossing his arms. 

“I think Shirogane-san has been coming over too much…” Shuichi was half-listening to Kokichi’s ramblings, and half looking at the pictures.

“Hey! That’s rude! Are you implying, I, the Great Kokichi Ouma, got influenced by that weeb? Becoming an anime protagonist was always my life goal! In fact, the moment my father, whoever he is, shot his deedily-doo in my mom, whoever she is, and the egg was fertilized, I knew that I wanted to be collecting harem members and defeating the demon king!” Kokichi seemed to be doing the same thing as Shuichi as he shuffled through the photos. 

“You could pass off as a teenager easily though…” Shuichi mumbled, picking up one of the photos. It was a group photo, one taken at the end of freshmen year. Shuichi was quite surprised at how small and young everyone looked, especially himself. Puberty was impressive. Kokichi still looked the same though, which was amusing and concerning. 

“Hey! I’m not that baby-faced! I’ll grow a beard someday, Shuichi! Don’t underestimate my manly willpower!” 

“I wasn’t questioning your manliness…” 

“Hmph, you speak brave words, peasant. Be prepared to eat your words.” 

“That’s a Byakuya Togami impression.” 

“Ding, ding ding! You get me so well, Shuichi! This is why you’re my favorite out of your stupid trio of friends! Or is it a pentagram since there’s technically five people with Amami-chan and Akamatsu-chan included…” 

Kokichi was staring at one particular photo for a while now. Shuichi wondered what it was, so he dared to take a peek. 

It was a photo of him in his hat. Shuichi felt himself temporarily freeze up in shock at that. 

When did Kokichi…? 

“Wowwwww, you look so lame, Shuichi!” Kokichi teased, metaphorically and literally rubbing the photo in Shuichi’s face. “Look, look, look! Look at your lameness! You totally give off the vibe of shut-in, emo virgin!” 

“Well, I can confidently…” Shuichi gently pushed Kokichi’s hand away from his face. “I can confidently say that I’m no longer any of those things.” 

Kokichi’s face went blank at that, his eyes widening slightly and his cheeks dusted over with red. 

“Shumai, pervert! Pervert, pervert, pervert! I bet you can’t get that experience outta you head can you? Thinking about it 24/7? Pervert! Pervert!” Kokichi inhaled deeply before continuing to repeat ‘pervert’ over and over again. 

“Wha—” Shuichi gasped a little indignantly. “Hey, you can’t accuse me of that when you agreed to it!” 

“My pure body! Constantly being undressed by my beloved Shuichi’s eyes!” Kokichi placed a hand on his chest and another on his forehead, leaning back dramatically. “How will I ever recover from this now?” 

Shuichi felt like rolling his eyes. As always, his boyfriend avoided his emotions and embarrassment by cranking the theatrics up to a thousand. 

Shuichi leaned down and placed a quick peck on Kokichi’s lips to shut him up. It did a good job, it always did. “Don’t worry, Kokichi. I’ll take responsibility and help you recover. N-not that I was ever undressing you to begin with, but I’ll take responsibility for you always.” 

“Are you saying you weren’t undressing me with your eyes, Shuichi!? Giiiiiiasp! Am I not good enough for you, is that it!?” Kokichi accused, jabbing a finger at Shuichi. 

“Wh-what? Of course not! There’s no way you’re not good enough, Kokichi! If anything, I’m the unworthy one.” Shuichi snaked his arms around Kokichi’s shoulders and rested his head on Kokichi’s head. “I love you, you know that.” 

Kokichi huffed and stiffly turned his head back to the pictures. 

“W-wow, you are such a smooth-talker, Shuichi! This is why you’re my favorite!” 

.

“You’re my favorite!” 

That seems to have become Kokichi’s signature line nowadays, right up there with “It’s a lie!” 

Shuichi wasn’t sure what to make of it. On one hand, it was nice to know that Shuichi was the top in Kokichi’s little ranking chart, but on the other, it was a cop-out way of saying “I love you”. Kokichi never said that phrase, no matter how much Shuichi said it to him. While Shuichi wasn’t a child that needed everything to be categorized with concrete words, it still bothered him. It bothered him that Kokichi was so stubborn, refusing to say he loves anyone. 

Kokichi had no qualms with showing affection, he was the romantic in the relationship in fact, and he had no problem calling Shuichi his “beloved”. Yet, why would he never say “I love you”? 

Shuichi thinks he knows the answer. 

Kokichi was afraid to put a name to his feelings. He knew he cared for Shuichi, and he knew Shuichi cared for him, but he was afraid to call it love. 

It was like the concept of two people liking each other and going on outings together all the time, but never making it official to call themselves dating. If there wasn’t a name, a title, a burden attached to their relationship, they didn’t have to worry about it. The less concrete the relationship was, the better. It was a coward’s way out of taking responsibility. 

The same can be said for Kokichi. He stayed with Shuichi because Shuichi was his favorite, because Shuichi understood him, because Shuichi stayed with him. But, no matter what, he refused to attach a title to it. 

Shuichi found that annoying. No, annoying would be the understatement of the century. Shuichi knew how frightening it is to fall in love. The anxiety, self-consciousness, and self-loathing attached were a little too much to say the least. But, Kokichi was the epitome of attaching titles to others: a whore to Miu, a robot to Kiibo, an emo to Shuichi, ugly to Kaede, stupid to Kaito, big friendly giant to Gonta, and so on and so forth. Then, why in the world would Kokichi be so afraid to attach a title to his feelings? 

Shuichi didn’t understand that. 

He knows why Kokichi doesn’t say “I love you”, but he doesn’t know why he was so afraid of admitting it. Shuich thought he had Kokichi all figured out, but apparently not. As a detective, but first and foremost, as Kokichi’s boyfriend, Shuichi needed to find the answer to that. 

But, no matter how hard he tries to dig, no matter how many links he connects, he was still met with a dead end. This was one of those cases he couldn’t solve without confronting the culprit. However, Shuichi couldn’t afford to make Kokichi uncomfortable with that kind of talk, he might risk Kokichi leaving him after all. That was something he had to avoid at all costs. 

In conclusion, with no more leads, Shuichi was stumped.

Shuichi found that annoying. Again, just annoying would be the understatement of the century. 

.

Shuichi was alarmed, frighteningly so. 

It was early morning, only an hour after Maki and Kaito’s wedding had ended, and a drunk Kokichi was clinging to Shuichi desperately as Shuichi was filling up a cup of water. 

Of all the times for Kokichi to finally profess his love to Shuichi, it had to be when he was dead drunk and sobbing uncontrollably. Of all times for Kokichi to finally say the heartwrenching three words that Shuichi always wanted to hear, it had to be when Kokichi was finally breaking down and spilling his insecurities to Shuichi while sitting in a puddle of water on their kitchen floor.

Shuichi was alarmed. How could Kokichi ever think the things he was saying now? How could Kokichi ever think that he didn’t deserve Shuichi, that Shuichi’s true love doesn’t lie with Kokichi? 

Shuichi had never felt so angry in his life. Angry at himself for not realizing that Kokichi, perfect as he is, was still human. He was weighed down by insecurities, the same ones Shuichi dealt with. How could Shuichi have been so blind? Why had he been so blinded by his own anxiety to not notice the mask of confidence that Kokichi had on? Shuichi bit his lip and furrowed his eyebrows, suppressing the urge to punch himself. 

“Saihara-chan, are you *hic* mad at me?” Kokichi hiccuped, breaking Shuichi out of his self-loathing. Shuichi paused. Was he mad at Kokichi? 

“Yes.” Yes, he was. Kokichi should’ve told him all of this. Kokichi didn’t need to shoulder all this alone, he should’ve told Shuichi. Then again, Shuichi thinks, Kokichi is telling him all this now. Shuichi was mad, but he had to support Kokichi properly now. 

However, Kokichi seems to have taken Shuichi’s “yes” as a bad sign. He lunged at Shuichi, clinging to his waist, and started to apologize over and over and over and over again, begging and begging Shuichi to not leave him. Shuichi so desperately wanted to tell Kokichi that he thought the same thing, that he did not want Kokichi to leave him either, but he didn’t. 

He’ll tell Kokichi someday, but right now is not the time. 

Shuichi had to act as a support for his boyfriend right now. Now’s not the time to dwell on his own feelings. The discussion can wait until Kokichi got a good rest. For now, Shuichi had a duty to comfort Kokichi and assure him that everything was alright. Shuichi cupped Kokichi’s face in his hands, much like how Kokichi had done only minutes prior, and kissed Kokichi’s tears away. 

“I’m not leaving you, I’m not leaving you.” He hushed, resting Kokichi’s head on his shoulder and patting Kokichi on the back, drawing patterns and circles gently. Eventually, Kokichi calmed down and fell silent, his breathing evening out. 

Shuichi hugged Kokichi tightly, furrowing his eyebrows and suppressing the urge to cry. He let out a shaky breath and carried Kokichi to the bed. As usual, his boyfriend was frighteningly light. 

It was easy to change Kokichi out of his dirty dress shirt and pants, then into a clean shirt and shorts. Shuichi would’ve made a joke about being Kokichi’s newest mom, alongside one of Kokichi’s seniors and Kirumi, but he was too worn out to even smile. Kokichi’s eyebags seemed so much more prominent now that Shuichi knew of the burdens Kokichi’s heart carried. 

Shuichi ran a thumb under Kokichi’s closed eyes, tracing the dark bags. His heart felt heavy. Shuichi once again had to suppress the urge to cry. He placed a kiss to Kokichi’s forehead.

“I love you,” Shuichi muttered. God, those words sound so… heavy now. It felt so heartbreaking, so burdensome, and so bittersweet. 

Shuichi shook his head, leaving Kokichi in bed and walking to the bathroom to take a shower. Hopefully the cold water will shock him out of his depressive mood. 

It didn’t. 

.

The next morning, Shuichi somehow felt even worse than before.

He felt the bed dip, and anxiety shot his hand out to grab Kokichi before he could leave Shuichi. Kokichi let out a strangled scream. Shuichi peeked out from underneath the covers, staring up groggily at his lover’s face. 

His terrible mood was erased when Kokichi finally admitted his insecurities and resolved to wholeheartedly steal Shuichi away, never to return Shuichi to his rightful owner no matter how much they begged. 

Shuichi was tempted to say that Kokichi couldn’t really return Shuichi to anyone since Kokichi was who he belonged with in the first place, but Shuichi kept that to himself. Instead, he let his actions do the talking and kissed Kokichi. 

Kokichi tasted like bitter alcohol, but damn was it the sweetest thing. 

.

When Kokichi somehow made time in his busy schedule to spend an entire week with Shuichi, Shuichi was ecstatic. Of course, Shuichi himself was pretty busy and he couldn’t clear out his schedule immediately, but he still enjoyed the few hours he got to spend cuddling Kokichi in bed, or have Kokichi visit him at his office to deliver food. 

When Shuichi finally managed to clear one day to go on a date with Kokichi, Kokichi then insisted on spending that precious day at home instead. Shuichi immediately knew something was up, but didn’t say anything on it. 

A home date was more convenient, and it felt cozy, away from the prying eyes of society and away from having to behave properly. Shuichi didn’t have to worry about kissing Kokichi, holding his hand, or laughing too loud like an idiot. 

Which somehow lead to Shuichi chasing Kokichi around the house, playing all sorts of childish games. Tag, hide and seek, rock paper scissors, just basically anything Kokichi could think of off the top of his head. 

As of the moment, Shuichi was attempting to find Kokichi in their 5th game of hide and seek. Kokichi was small, meaning he could hide in many places that Shuichi could not. Shuichi made sure to check inside the washing machine, the dryer, the laundry bin, and underneath their couch. Kokichi didn’t hide in those places this time. That only left the kitchen and the bedroom. Shuichi made a gamble and opted to go to the bedroom, he only had 3 minutes left now. As soon as he stepped foot into the bedroom, he heard a sharp inhale coming from the closet. 

Shuichi knew something was wrong, Kokichi was very good at hiding and keeping silent. Why was he being so obvious? Was this another one of his pranks? 

Shuichi steeled his nerves and walked over to the closet, he knocked on it three times. 

“Kokichi? Are you in there?” 

Shuichi heard the stupidly cute giggle. He rolled his eyes and grabbed the handle, pulling it open. He froze. 

There was Kokichi, on one knee, in an empty closet (where did he put all the clothes?) lit by LED candle lights. In his hand was a small black box, one that made Shuichi’s heartbeat quicken when he realized what it was. Kokichi had the smuggest face on at the moment, seemingly extremely amused he pulled one over Shuichi. 

Kokichi flipped open the box, revealing a golden ring, colored like Shuichi’s eyes. 

“Will you be my husband, and let me grace you with my presence forever, Shuichi Saihara-chan?” Kokichi’s smirk fell into a soft smile. “That’s a lie though, the second part, not the first. It’s more like you’re gracing me with your presence, Shuichi.” 

Kokichi then began to ramble off all the wedding vows, promising to take good care of Shuichi and make him the happiest man alive.

Shuichi stared at the ring, then flipped his gaze to Kokichi, then back at the ring, over and over and over and over again. His mind couldn’t catch up to his emotions, and before he could utter out an answer, he was crying. 

Kokichi immediately placed the box down onto the floor and grabbed Shuichi’s hand with one of his, the other coming up to caress Shuichi’s face. “Oh god, are you okay, Shuichi? Was that too sudden? I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to surprise you like tha—” 

Shuichi grabbed Kokichi’s stupid cute face and smashed his lips to his. His tears got all over Kokichi’s face (this feels like deja vu with that time Kokichi did the same thing), but he didn’t care. 

“Yes, yes, yes, of course, yes, Fuck, oh my goodness, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, YES! Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, I love you so much, yes, yes, yes, yes, my lord Kokichi, I’m so happy. Yes, yes, yes, yes, fuck how can you just pop the question like that, yes, yes, yesyesyesyesyes. You’re stuck with me forever now, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes! Ahahahahaha, yes, yes, yes, yes, ahhh this is the best day of my life, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes!” Shuichi gasped out, continuing to pepper kisses all over Kokichi’s stupid face and the corner of his stupid eyes, which were now lit up with stars and happiness. Shuichi let out a squeal like he was some lovestruck little girl who just got a piece of candy from their crush during recess. 

Kokichi beamed, the brightest Shuichi’s ever seen him. 

“Nishishi, looks like I got Shuichi to cuss! Wow, my hubby is so edgy!” 

“Just… shut up and give me the ring.” 

“Aww, I love you too!” 

.

Shuichi feels like he’s slowly but surely regressing back to his high school self. He’s getting fidgety, and he’s getting more and more anxious the more he waits. The moment he sees Kokichi waving to him at the end of the aisle, he breaks into tears. 

Dear god with a capital G, dear Buddha, dear Atua, dear whatever driving force in the universe out there, thank you so much for giving Kokichi to Shuichi. 

Shuichi was convinced he was a plain and boring person, he never understood why Kokichi would ever settle for a guy like him, and he knows Kokichi hates that mindset. He’s trying very hard to fix it, but he couldn’t help but think those thoughts as he sees Kokichi walk down the aisle, dressed in a pristine white suit. 

How could a man as wonderful as Kokichi, someone as interesting as Kokichi ever love a man as boring and self-conscious as Shuichi? Shuichi was never a very interesting guy. 

In fact, Kokichi has told him that very thing many, many times in their relationship. Shuichi would be lying if he said that it didn’t hurt him a little bit, even if Shuichi knew that Kokichi didn’t mean any harm by it. Even when Kokichi would validate Shuichi’s feelings, showering him with praise and affection, Shuichi was still very, very insecure. 

Today, however, when he hears the bubbly laughter coming from Kokichi’s mouth, Shuichi thinks that the insecurities can go fuck themselves.  
Shuichi inhaled sharply, placing a hand over his mouth to prevent a sob from coming out. Kokichi probably looked great, but he couldn’t really see well through the tears. Kaito, Shuichi’s best man, handed him a handkerchief. Shuichi accepted it graciously and wiped away his tears right as Kokichi finally stopped before him. 

Kokichi’s smile was brighter than the sun beaming down on them, and Shuichi smiled right back. 

Shuichi wasn’t really someone who was into public displays of affection. In fact, he was the exact opposite. He hated it when he saw couples making out in the school hallways, in his campus hallways, or in the office. He hated it when he hears the words “I love you” being screamed from the top of someone’s lungs to someone else in the crowd. It disrupted his day, and it was so attention-grabbing that it made Shuichi blush from head to toe. It was crude, and it was embarrassing. 

Today was special though. Today, Shuichi erased all that embarrassment from his system.

He’s made many mistakes in his job, some serious, some minor, and some turned out alright in the end while others didn’t. He’s made so many mistakes, he ran away from so many things, and he’s hurt so many feelings.

But well, today of all days, Shuichi decides that maybe he did something right in his life. How else was he able to stand side by side with his beloved underneath the altar? Surely, all the hardships he’s gone through in his life, all the heartbreak and all the mistakes he’s made led him up to this very moment where he swore his vows.

“I do.” And, not so surprisingly, Kokichi yanked Shuichi down by the collar. Shuichi met with Kokichi halfway, bending down slightly to place a chaste kiss to Kokichi’s lips (they weren’t chapped, that’s a surprise). Grape chapstick, it seems.

Of course, no one knew just how much that kiss meant to both of them.

No one knew how many feelings were expressed through that short kiss. 

The world doesn’t know how many times Shuichi has said “I love you” to Kokichi (Kokichi seems to have counted all the times though). What they don’t know is how many times Kokichi has said “I love you” back after the incident in order to make up for all the times he didn’t. What they don’t know is how utterly broken Shuichi was, how much confidence he lacked in the beginning. 

What they definitely don’t know is how Kokichi had slowly built Shuichi’s confidence back up like blocks of LEGO, piece by piece, with each time he says “I love you”. What they don’t know is truly how much the both of them loved each other, and how much they didn’t think they were worthy of the other, but were trying so, so, so hard to love without running away. 

But, well, what they don’t know won’t kill them. 

Ah, Kokichi’s crying again. The crowd was cheering behind Shuichi, but it sounded like white noise compared to Kokichi’s embarrassed laughter. 

“Shuichi… nishishi~” Kokchi cooed, his breath short from the crying. Shuichi bent down and kissed his beloved’s tears away. 

Kokichi giggled, and grabbed Shuichi’s hand, dragging Shuichi with him down the aisle. They ran side by side, laughing merrily like gossiping high school girls as they threw their bouquets for some lucky guest to catch them. Kokichi’s hand was smaller than Shuichi’s, but it felt like a large boulder shouldering Shuichi’s burdens and keeping his feet grounded on the earth. 

Shuichi feels his heart set on fire when he realized that that hand will now be with him forever and ever and ever.

**Author's Note:**

> This took me longer than expected, and this came out longer than expected.  
10,000 words! Wow, I'm impressed with myself. 
> 
> I wanna dabble in angst next, but I'm not good at writing anything. The only thing I'm decent at is fluff.


End file.
